Chicago Attachment Relationships and Nervous System Coaching

If you’re looking for real love, but instead find yourself infatuated and even obsessed with someone who won’t be with you, you may be in the grips of limerence.

Limerence – first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tenov in the '70s – sees the limerent person unable to control their romantic fixation on the limerent object (LO), even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.

If you:

• Experience frequent intrusive thoughts about the LO
• Have an overwhelming fear of rejection
• Idealise the LO – often without knowing them intimately (or at all!)
• Experience a rollercoaster of moods and emotions depending on whether the LO shows interest
• Feel excessively shy and awkward around the LO
• Fixate on improving yourself to win the LO’s love…

Your attachment wounds may be keeping you invested in fantasy relationships.

Join me for this free event, Limerence: When Insecure Attachment Keeps Us Stuck in Obsessive Love.

• If you want to understand how your insecure attachment style makes you vulnerable to repeat limerence
• If you want to break free from the pain and loneliness that accompanies long-term limerence
• If you want to dive into why the neuroscience of limerence leaves you feeling powerless to move on

During the 90-minute event you'll learn:

• The stages of limerence
• Which attachment styles are particularly vulnerable to limerence and why
• How limerence lights up the same control systems in the brain as drug addiction
• The role projecting our unmet emotional needs from childhood plays in limerence

About Natalie:

For most of my dating life, romantic relationships felt excruciating.

Simultaneously craving and rejecting close connection, I’d quickly become someone I didn’t recognize.

Due, in part, to what I now know were strong fearful avoidant attachment patterns, the initial stages of dating were often a breeze. I was the most charming, the most banter-y, the most confident version of myself.

But the moment I felt invested, a switch flicked.

Suddenly I was sensitive to even the slightest shift in the other person’s interest and attention, hypervigilant for signs of rejection and betrayal.

The more vulnerable I felt, the smaller I became.

This pattern played out time and time again, from my teens to my late 30s, until I finally twigged. To paraphrase author Jon Kabat-Zinn, wherever I went, there I was.

When I stumbled upon attachment theory the push-pull patterns I’d previously attributed to a broken picker, low self-esteem or even bad relationship juju began to make sense. I remember reading about insecure attachment and thinking ‘Oh, there I am.’

Does limerence – aka person obsession - keep showing up in your relationships?

Are you often emotionally dysregulated?

Are you at the mercy of your triggers?

It could be that your core wounds - long-held limiting beliefs we layer over our experiences as adults - are causing you to settle for fantasy relationships with a limerent object (LO), rather than seek out the reciprocal relationships you deserve.

Subconscious beliefs like:

‘If only they loved me, I’d finally feel worthy and good enough.’

‘Staying in this fantasy relationship protects me from rejection.’

‘This person is my soulmate/twin flame so they’ll never abandon me.’

‘Being in limerence means I’ll never be trapped by the wrong person.’

The many benefits of healing core wounds include:

· Boosting self-esteem
· Becoming less triggered in relationships
· Approaching relationships from a place of genuine connection, not protection

Only 10 Spots Available
Calling on 10 lovely humans to join me online Monday January 20th, 2025, at 7.30PM CST for a two-hour workshop on Rewriting the Core Wounds That Trigger Limerence.

In this two-hour workshop we’ll:

· Explore how core wounds form due to our early attachment experiences
· Identify the key core wound/s driving your limerence
· Create individual Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping scripts to rewrite your chosen core wound

Participants will receive:

· A Limerence and Core Wounds Workbook
· Suggested Core Wound EFT scripts
· A general Core Wound EFT tapping video recording

Investment: Early-bird price USD$20 (until December 15th). Full price USD$27.

Understanding Limerence
Limerence – first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tenov in the '70s – sees the limerent person unable to control their romantic fixation on the LO, even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.

If you:

• Experience frequent intrusive thoughts about the LO
• Have an overwhelming fear of rejection
• Idealise the LO – often without knowing them intimately (or at all!)
• Experience a rollercoaster of moods and emotions depending on whether the LO shows interest
• Feel excessively shy and awkward around the LO
• Fixate on improving yourself to win the LO’s love…

Your attachment wounds may be keeping you invested in fantasy relationships.

Understanding Core Wounds
Core wounds are beliefs we acquire through conditioning. Ages 0-8 are our peak conditioning years due to our highly impressionable brainwave states.

Those with insecure attachment styles tend to have more core wounds, where the securely attached’s core wounds are typically less intense, less frequently activated and situation specific.

The language of our core wounds is simple – ‘I am bad’, ‘I am alone’, ‘I am unsafe’, ‘I am unworthy’. This is because they were often formed before conscious, analytical thinking.

In adulthood, core wounds can present as an inability to regulate our emotions, including:

· Reactivity
· Emotional manipulation
· Controlling behaviour

About Emotional Freedom Technique
EFT, commonly known as tapping, is a powerful practice that combines aspects of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with ancient Chinese acupressure.

During a tapping session you focus on the cause of stress, anxiety, or even physical pain while at the same time tapping EFT points that correspond with traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) meridians.

For over 2000 years meridians have been seen as energy pathways through which the body’s chi or life force flows. Today, researchers believe meridians are also linked to the nervous system and even brain activity.

Studies have found EFT beneficial for anxiety, depression and PTSD. Physiologically it's been found to lower cortisol and reduce blood flow to the amygdala. EFT is non-evasive, with no contraindications.

Do you find intimate relationships deeply triggering?

Do you often feel isolated?

Do you struggle to trust, approaching relationships from a place of protection rather than connection?

It could be that early attachment trauma means you’re uncomfortable with co-regulation.

If, as a child, you didn’t receive support to co-regulate, or your emotional development was hindered due to attachment trauma, you may struggle with both self-regulation & co-regulation well into adulthood – after all, it’s hard to practice what wasn’t consistently modelled to us.

The many benefits of learning co-regulation in adulthood include:

· Identifying & expressing emotions & needs in a healthy, grounded way
· Showing up more authentically in relationships
· Recognizing the co-regulation practices that fill your cup, as well as the specific practices that meet your loved ones’ needs

For 10 Lovely Humans Only
Calling on 10 lovely humans to join me online Monday January 27th, 2025, at 7:30PM CT for a two-hour workshop on Polyvagal-Informed Co-Regulation Practices to Heal Attachment Trauma.

In this two-hour workshop we’ll:

· Explore the impact of attachment trauma on our nervous system
· Identify how a dysregulated nervous system can block safe, secure connections
· Learn to recognize healthy co-regulating partners & spaces
· Explore simple polyvagal-informed co-regulation practices to help us attune to others’ emotional states & vice versa.

Participants will receive:

· A Polyvagal-Informed Co-Regulation Practices workbook
· A recorded Yoga Nidra (Yogic Sleep) meditation for self-regulation & grounding
· A video recording of simple polyvagal-informed exercises for nervous system regulation

Investment: Early bird USD$20, available until January 15th. Full price USD$27.

Understanding Co-Regulation
According to attachment theory, secure attachment — which typically stems from consistent, stable caregiving in childhood — leads us, in adulthood, to seek proximity & connection to a loved-one when upset & overwhelmed.

When a loved-one offers us support & validation in the face of our big feelings, when their nervous system calms ours, this is known as co-regulation. Co-regulation is the not-so-secret sauce of secure relationships.

Understanding Polyvagal Theory
In a nutshell, Polyvagal Theory explains how we move between different nervous system states:

· Social engagement (ventral vagal) – ‘I feel safe & connected’
· Fight, flight, fawn (sympathetic) – ‘I’m reactive’
· Freeze/collapse (dorsal vagal) – ‘I’m overwhelmed & shutdown’

The different nervous system states are managed by the vagus nerve. It plays a part in regulating:

· Immune response
· Breathing
· Heart rate
· Emotions
· Social behavior

Polyvagal theory can also help us understand how our brain & body collectively respond to attachment trauma & relationship triggers.

About Yoga Nidra
Yoga Nidra, also known as yogic sleep, works with the energetic body to induce a state of deep rest. Although you’re awake, a profound stillness & calm takes over the body, & awareness turns inwards.

Yoga Nidra influences brainwaves, enabling individuals to effortlessly transition from the waking beta state of conscious thought & logical thinking, to the alpha (between waking & dreaming; hypnagogic), theta (dreaming; sub-conscious), & delta (deep sleep; unconscious) states, all while the practitioner is awake & aware.